i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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