Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
