I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
