and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
