Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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