i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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