Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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