So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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