well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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