I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize