Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
