This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
