weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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