feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize