Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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