i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
