Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
