I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
