dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
