youre lurking in front of me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize