what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
