i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Randomize
