I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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