it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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