I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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