This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
