i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
