Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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