I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
