she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize