I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
