my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
