The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
