Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
