jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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