this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
