i wish my penis had a tongue
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
