I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize