i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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