Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
