Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
