you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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