I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
