dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize