I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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