I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
