My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
PANTIES FOUND
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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