She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I did not marry a roomba.
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