you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
