I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
