so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
