at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
