Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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