and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
