Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
