And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
