im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
