rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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