Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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