my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
In America we eat man semen.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
