Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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