I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
