i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
