I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
