this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
