The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
