She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
