i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
