dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
