Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
