Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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