my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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