Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
