ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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