True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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