Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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