i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize