What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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