her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
