new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Welp...herpes.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
