there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
