That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
